Creating Art

B irth is the foundation of it all

I dentity forms before we begin to crawl

A ll of the people in our lives help us create

S tructures of love and structures of hate

A daptation to people and to places

N eglecting others’ feelings because of their faces

D ifferences can make us feel worthless inside

D eepening hurts and making us run and hide

I nequality making it hard to heal

V alued is what children long to feel

E ncouragement could help erase all the lies

R espect for every color, shape, and size

S eeing each child for what they could be

I ntent on creating a world that is prejudice free

T eaching others to learn from the sorrow

Y esterday’s gone but there’s always tomorrow

"We Don't Say Those Words In Class!"

I could not think of a time when I heard someone else speak to a child about something that they said but I do know that I have personally had this happen to me.  My oldest daughter (she was probably three at the time and my only daughter) and I were getting out of our van at a local store.  As we were walking to the door a female was coming out of the store and she was overweight and walking with a walker.  My daughter said at the top of her lungs "Why is that lady so big and walking with that thing?"  My reaction was " Shh, Sierra, you don't say things like that."  She did not say another word but I can remember that she had her head turned around staring at the lady the whole time until we were in the store and she could no longer see her. 

Children are great observers of adult behavior and they pay direct attention to how people feel and what is and is not acceptable behavior (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010).  I believe that the message that I sent to my child that day is that it is not okay to walk with a walker or be someone of a different size.  I'm sure the tone of my voice was reprimanding and I know that the reason I said it was because I was embarrassed that my child would point out a difference in someone else.  I did not want the lady to feel bad and so that is why I quieted my child but I did not take the time to explain to her the reason.  I sure that I made her feel bad about wondering about differences and from that point on I cannot remember her ever doing something like that again. 

An anti-bias educator would have stopped with their child and asked questions to see what their child thought about these differences (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011).  I should have talked with my daughter immediately and explained to her that all people are different.  We are all different shapes and sizes and it is these things that makes each one of us a special human being.  I then should have explained to her that some people need extra help with walking and it doesn't make them different, it is just a difference in their physical characteristics.  We have to constantly reevaluate the messages that we give to children (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011).  I did not do this that day and until taking this class I'm not sure I would have done it any other day had the opportunity come up.  I also learned this week that just talking to children is not enough but they need to see some of these things in action to truly understand.  Another thing that I could have done is use books that display these differences with my daughters and I could have used persona dolls because these dolls would have allowed me to practice pro-social skills and correct the incorrect beliefs that she may have had (Pelo, 2008).  I know that if given the chance today, I would definitely handle the situation differently than I did then. 

Another incident that I would like to share was not between me and my daughter or a parent and another child, but was a comment that was made to me about my child.  My youngest son (who is 2 and 1/2) was born with a genetic condition called Noonan's Syndrome.  People who are born with this syndrome are very small in stature and so he was (and still is) very small for his age in relation to other children.  We were standing in line in the grocery store one day when he was probably six months old (but looked like he was two month old) and the lady that was in front of us asked how old he was.  I told her and her very next comment (that was made in a very negative tone) was "Why is he so little?"  My comment back to her was that he was born with a condition that made him small.  The only other thing she said to me was "Oh."  When we got to the cashier, she said "I can't believe she said that to you, he is so adorable.  Some people are so ignorant."  I was at first hurt by the comment that the first lady made but I was aware that the cashier was correct - some people are ignorant.  I have now learned that when people grow up without a sense of learning what diversity is or without knowledge of the impact that words and actions can have, they grow up ignorant.  When I think about it now, it makes me sad to think that this lady could be passing on these biases to her children or other people around her.  I think that is why anti-bias education is so important to teach young children.  We need to stop the cycle of bias and prejudice and create a world where people celebrate differences and cast them in a positive light instead of a negative one.  

References:

Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). Start Seeing Diversity: Physical Ability and Characteristics. Retrieved from http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6357/CH/mm/audio_player/index_week6.html

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). Start Seeing Diversity: Race/Ethnicity. Retrieved from http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6357/CH/mm/audio_player/index_week6.html

Pelo, A. (Ed.). (2008). Rethinking early childhood education. Milwaukee, WI: Rethinking Schools.

Gender, Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation

                     

I thought one good way to show how heterosexism permeates the world of young children would be to do a simple Internet search of "boy toys" and "girl toys".  The two images above are two that came up with "boy toys" and the two below with "girl toys".  It is easy to see what society views as the toys that should be used for boys and the ones that should be used for girls.  The search for girl toys led me to pages full of pink and purple and even the girls in the ads were mostly dressed in these colors.  The boy toy pages were full of cars and trucks, Lego's, action figures and I did not see any bright pink or pastel colors.  These messages that society sends lead to how children focus their gender identity on cultural aspects such as a combination of how they observe the actions of those around them and what they hear adults say (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010).   

As a mother of four I am also very in tune to children's television and cartoons.  I know that my children liked to watch Dora the Explorer but Dora was a very feminine cartoon.  Yes, she went on adventures, but she was dressed in pink and purple and her backpack was also purple.  Then, it seemed as if someone realized this and so they developed "Go Diego Go!"  In this show Diego was Dora's male cousin who went on rescue missions for animals.  Diego, unlike Dora wore what would be perceived as very masculine colors (Browns, and blues) and his adventures were more action packed.  He had a "rescue pack" not a backpack which to me showed the stereotypical thought that men are the ones who come to the rescue while women are just off on adventures.  Now I will say that although my girls really enjoyed watching Dora, they enjoyed Diego as well because he was usually rescuing animals which they loved.  My first son would not watch Dora at all and preferred to watch Diego which I found very interesting.  These cartoons are directed at preschool age children and it is easy to see how they could affect how children of this age view gender and lead to heterosexism. 

                  

I have definitely in my teaching experiences had to deal with homophobic terms.  I have had children call other children gay before.  This happened in my second grade classroom last year in fact.  Two boys were doing an activity together and then I heard the one boy say to the other boy "you are so gay."  I immediately stepped in and asked the boy who said it if he even knew what that meant.  He said that he didn't know what it meant but that he heard his older brother say it.  I then explained to him that the way that he used it was not in a nice way and that he shouldn't speak to anyone else in words that he did not even understand himself.  I in fact did not take the issue any farther but in the video this week I learned that I probably should have.  It said that even though a child might not know what the word "gay" means, it is still important to acknowledge that there are families with gay and lesbian parents and it is important to prepare children to be respectful of this type of family structure (Laureate Education, Inc., 2010).  If I would have discussed this situation further with these two boys I would have ensured that they would think better of using this term in a derogatory light the next time and be more respectful in their speech with others.  These types of comments could influence all children because not only are the witnessing disrespectful speech, but if a child in the room actually came from a family structure with gay parents they would have felt degraded and disrespected.  I now know that I could surely have handled this situation better and next time I will be able to use a more anti-bias approach when dealing with homophobic comments such as this.  

I believe that it is very important to help children grow up in a home environment that is as free of stereotypes as possible.  I know that I thought that I did a good job of this at home, but the more I learn the easier it is to see that I could do an even better job.  I also know that I could do a better job of creating an anti-bias environment in my classroom.  I think that it is very important to teach children to respect each other no matter the differences they may have but I now know that it is not enough to just tell them to be nice to one another.  I have to involve them in anti-bias conversations and teach them about all of the stereotypes that are surrounding us and created by society.  Until we find out what children know and how they feel about what they know we cannot create the building blocks to foster a truly anti-bias classroom.  All of the information that I am learning is helping to change my thoughts, vision, and goals for the type of teacher I want to be and is strengthening my resolve to create a classroom free of bias and discrimination. 

Resources:
Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves.Washington, DC: NAEYC.

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). (2010).Learning from another’s life story (Video webcast).

THANK YOU ALL

Dear Colleagues,
I know that the assignment this week was to pick two people to post a note of thanks to, but I also had to let all of you know how very important you have been in my journey and how appreciative I am of all of your support, guidance, and wisdom.  All of you have  a great deal to offer not only the field of early childhood education but the world in general.  Please know that if you would ever need anything in the future I am here to help in any way that I can.  You can always contact me through my Walden email.  Thank you so very much for everything and I wish you a very Merry Christmas and nothing but happiness and blessings in the New Year!

God Bless,
Valerie  

Adjourning

     I have had the opportunity to be involved in many different groups both in my personal life and in my professional life.  I have been involved in groups where I have known all of the members of the group and also in groups where I met people for the first time by joining the group.  In my opinion what makes a group the hardest to leave is the people.  I don't believe that it always has to do with whether the group is high or low performing, but rather the people that you are able to build bonds with.  I believe that if a group joins together and builds trust and works well together towards a common goal, then it makes it sad when that group is over.  I think of a couple's group that my husband and I have been involved in at our church.  We get together with other couple's from our church and have a small group meeting about different topics affecting our lives and how to handle them from a biblical aspect.  Each time that we have left this group we have come away feeling sad yet anticipating the next group session that we would hold and seeing all of these people again.  It was sad because we had gotten to know these people really well, trust them, and confide in them.  These  people became our friends and anytime you know you are not going to see a friend again, it is sad.  I can on the other hand think of a group that I was involved in with some of my colleagues at school.  It was a group that was formed to discuss the results from assessments that had been taken by the students.  I was actually relieved when this group was over because there was a lot of bickering back and forth between certain people in different grade levels blaming other grade levels for poor test scores.  To me it was not difficult to leave this group because it was a negative atmosphere and one where I did not feel that I could build trust with the other members.  I actually looked forward to this group ending because I felt like I had better things that I could do with my time and energy.  The difference between the way I felt in the adjourning phase in these two groups is that in the first group I was able to build a trust with these individuals and it was a positive atmosphere to be in.  In the other group I was not able to build trust with the group members because many of them displayed the negative attitude of not wanting to be there from the very beginning.

     Some of the closing rituals that I can remember having and enjoying were parties that celebrated not the end of the group but the relationships that were formed from the group and also celebrated the victory of reaching a common goal.  After each of the couple's groups(that I mentioned above) ended we always had a game and pizza night where we would all get together and just have fun.  Many times get-togethers are ways that I have been a part of ending a group.  I think that these are the best rituals because it gives you something to look forward to, but also memories that you will take with you after the group ends.  I think these types of rituals also help give you the initiative to want to start another group sooner than later and it gives you something to look forward to with these people that you can now call your friends. 

     I envision adjourning from my groups of colleagues with thank you notes and exchanges of postal addresses and email addresses.  It would be nice to be able to have a chance somehow to meet these people face to face and maybe there is a celebration of some sort that Walden has for the online participants.  I would definitely want to make sure that they all know that I wish them the best, have cherished their outlooks, and would like for them to remain a part of my life.  I think adjourning is an essential stage of teamwork because it gives the team the opportunity to look at all that they accomplished and celebrate it.  It is also a part of self-reflection in knowing what went well and what could have gone better.  Most often when we become a part of a well run group that trusts and encourages one another then we build friendships that will last a lifetime.  Adjourning allows for team members to take pride in all that they have accomplished and give thanks for the bonds of friendship and dedication that will carry them beyond the group and into life. 
    

Conflict Resolution

     The most recent disagreement I had was with my grandmother.  I hate to say that I have ever had a disagreement with my grandmother, but it has happened.  It was the night before Thanksgiving and we(two of my sisters and myself) were at her house trying to get all of the tables ready and things cleaned up.  We were having around 38 people who would be at this meal.  My grandma's sister was due to come and her son with his wife and three sons.  My grandma was complaining about her coming and saying that she didn't understand why she wouldn't just have dinner at her own house with her children.  I could only listen to so much until I turned around and said to my sisters "It would really hurt me if I knew you would say things like this about me."  They asked me what I meant and I said "You know Aunt June is gram's sister just like we are sisters and you guys are all complaining about her.  It would really hurt me if you ever talked like this about me and not wanting me to come to dinner."  My grandma then heard what I was saying and told me that I didn't understand, that she was just taking advantage of the situation.  So I told my gram that I did understand and that Thanksgiving was about being thankful for the people who are in our lives and she should be more gracious because the more gracious you are, it will come back in blessings to you.  I then told her that it might not happen today and it might not happen tomorrow but you will be blessed for how you treat other people.  She ended our conversation by again telling me that I didn't understand how my aunt is and she walked away. 
     After doing the readings this week I realize that I could have handled the situation differently.  First of all, I should have listened longer and been a more active listener instead of jumping right in with my two sense.  I then could have asked my gram some probing questions about her reasoning for not wanting my aunt to come to dinner and really listened to her response.  I know that the whole thing had my gram upset and I had just made it even worse and so I probably should have kept my thoughts to myself.  I could have reassured her with my feelings and came to a compromise with her to agree to disagree instead of letting her walk away upset with me.  Fortunately my gram and I do not ever stay upset with each other and by the time I was leaving that night she had apologized to me and said that she hasn't been feeling well lately and she just lets little things upset her and then she lashes out at people.  She told me that I was right and that we should want the people that we love with us at Thanksgiving.  I know now that I could have avoided the conflict if I would have just listened better the first time and changed my tone with my gram.  Conflict resolution strategies are very important in our lives and it is so beneficial to learn what they are and practice the effects they can have on a situation. 

Colleagues:
What are some ways that you think I could have handled this situation better and what did you learn this week about conflict resolution that you feel makes you a better communicator now?

Communication Insights

                

                                                    WOW!!

                I chose my husband and my twin sister to evaluate me this week.  I chose my husband because he is the one person that has lived with me for the past 15 years so he knows me really well.  I picked my twin sister because we are identical twins and so we have always shared a special bond.  She now lives 5 hours away from me and so we no longer see each other like we used to.  I thought it would be interesting to see how she would evaluate me because of the closeness that we share. 

                The one thing that surprised me in their evaluations was the difference that we had in the communication anxiety assessment.  I scored myself at a moderate level meaning that in some situations I am anxious about communication.  My husband scored me as mild meaning that I do not really get anxious when communicating.  My twin scored me as elevated meaning that I often get anxious in communication situations.  I found it surprising first of all because they see me differently than I see myself and also that their evaluations were the exact opposite.  When I asked them about it, my husband said he answered the questions by thinking of me in our small group settings in our church.  I also sing with our worship team and he said that in both situations I seem very calm and comfortable in communicating.  My sister on the other hand said that because she is not around me that often anymore she thought about me when we were younger and that is why she answered the items the way that she did.  She also said that she thought at times she was thinking of herself and because we are so much alike, that is the way I would answer.  I think that if I would have thought of myself when I was younger,   I would have definitely scored myself the same way that she scored me – as being anxious in almost all communication situations.  Now that I am older I have become more comfortable with who I am and so I find my anxiety more situational now. 

                One insight that I gained about communication this week is the way in which our self- perception is directly linked to our communication.  I don’t think that I have ever had a very strong self-concept and that is why I get anxious in communication situations.  I am always worried about what someone else is going to think of me or if I am saying the “right thing”.  I know that when I was in high school this was really a problem for me and I would rarely speak in small group settings and if I had to I found it horrible.  As I have grown my self-concept has gotten a little better and now I don’t think about it as much and I am more comfortable with myself so I’m not as concerned about how others see me. 

                Another insight that I gained this week is that the way we see ourselves can be completely different than the way someone else sees us.  For me this was really eye-opening because I really liked knowing that my husband sees me as someone who does not have a problem at all communicating with other people.  It is not physically obvious that I am nervous in front of other people in certain situations and this makes me feel more confident in my communication skills.  I think that because I feel more comfortable I will now be more willing to speak in front of large and small groups.  We are sometimes so hard on ourselves and so busy being our own worst critics, that it is nice to see that someone else might actually shed a new light on the person that is portrayed to others.