Consequences of Violence on Children's Development

I have a cousin who has always been like a sister to me.  When we were young, they lived in a neighboring town about 30 minutes away.  We would go and visit them just about every weekend or they would come to my grandma's house.  I would also spend two weeks during the summer at their house.  Needless to say, we were together a lot and very close.  When she was in fifth grade, they moved to the town that I live in.  A few years after they moved here, her parents go divorced because her dad was committing adultery.  Her mom moved out of town but because of the convenience, her and her sister decided to stay with their dad.  Her dad had some mental issues and never treated her like a dad should.  I never knew it at the time, but he was emotionally and physically abusive to her while she was growing up.  I was told later by my aunt that he had never wanted a second daughter and so he never treated my cousin like she mattered.  On the other hand, he treated their first born daughter like a princess.  In a way he almost came off as obsessed with her.  My cousin was a difficult teenager.  She was never given many limits and the ones they did give her, she pushed.  She started smoking, using alcohol, and having sexual intercourse when she was thirteen years old.  There were times that I was at her house and witnessed her being very disrespectful to her mom(something that I was raised not to be).  Her mom felt like she was a battle she couldn't win.  I would also witness times of her dad being very mean to her.  One night she called our house sobbing and saying that she was so scared that her dad was going to hurt her.  I got my mom to rush us right up to their house and she came home with us that night.  It was not until later in life that she told me all of the things her dad put her through and even though my aunt knew about it, she did nothing.  I guess she was scared of him as well.  The mental and physical abuse my cousin went through caused a lot of stress in her life and I believe it is the reason she turned to smoking, drinking, and sex.  I believe she was looking for the love that her father had never given her.  She got pregnant at 17 and had her first child right after graduating from high school.  That marriage didn't last and neither did the next one.  She has three children now and many failed relationships.  She has been in several relationships where the man is physically or mentally abusive.  It seems as if these are the type of men she goes looking for.  I truly believe that it is the lack of a father or the way her father treated her that led to this.  A father is one of the most important influences on a daughter's self-esteem and self-concept.  Her father showed her that she didn't mean anything and that she was not worth much.  She has never valued herself and has always turned to men to try and receive what it was that she didn't receive from her dad.  Through all of this, she blames her mom the most for not sticking up for her when she couldn't protect herself.  Her mom says that she did the best that she could.  I think that she was not treated well by either parent.  Her dad obviously for the abuse but because her mom felt guilty, she let her do things that a teenager should not have the freedom to be doing.  To this day, her mom enables her behavior(even when she does not make the right choices).  I think her mom is still trying to make up for the lack of being there for her when she was young.  Her sister on the other hand was treated very well as a young child.  Her dad was always praising her and telling her how proud he was of her.  When we were around them you could completely see the difference between the way the two of them were treated.  To this day my cousin still tries to seek the approval of her dad.  He ended up getting help for his problems and she says she has forgiven him for the abuse.  She now often turns to him for advice in her situations and it is very upsetting to me to see the advice he gives her(because often times it is not advice that will do her any good).  She is still looking for that love that she didn't receive.  Her sister on the other hand now sees their dad for who he is and is not very close to him at all.  It is interesting to see the way the situation has all worked out.  My cousin has not received counseling for the abuse that she endured and now at 35yrs old she is still displaying some of the same behaviors that she did at 13.  She is in the process of getting out of a relationship where the man treats her as if she doesn't matter and she is telling me how she was begging him to stay.  I told her that it was time that she realized her self-worth and that she shouldn't have to beg anyone to love her.  I think that maybe if her mother had gotten her counseling when she was young, she would not be dealing with these issues in the same way.  My hope and prayer is that one day she will realize that she needs help to overcome her mindset and that she will truly see the person that she is and learn to love her.


Child Abuse/Violence in China
I decided to research China because that is the country that I researched about birthing methods. I thought it would be interesting to see how prevalent child abuse is due to the one child policy that they have.  What I learned is that in Chinese culture, physical punishment is seen as a way to discipline children.  Therefore, many in the society accept corporal punishment and believe that if children are given too many rights, then they won't be able to punish them the way they would like to (Luk, 2004).  In some surveys there were reports of children being slapped and kicked or even hit with objects such as belts or sticks.  There have also been reports of teachers being physically violent with children because of the high level of respect that teachers believe they should receive.  When they don't receive this respect, they feel it is ok to abuse the child (BBC News, 2005 ).  In many cases in China because of the one child policy, girls are often the ones who are abused.  Most families want to have boys to expand the population and have workers, so when a girl is born, it is seen as a disappointment.  This has led to many baby girls being thrown into the trash or into the streets and abandoned (Ni, 2007).  One very disturbing story that I read was that of a woman who had needles embedded in her body from when she was a baby.  They believed that the grandfather had done this because he didn't want another granddaughter.  As a baby the mother noticed that she was always crying, but they didn't know why.  The father was physically and verbally abusive to the mother and the children and it wasn't until after they were divorced and the mother remarried that these needles were discovered.  At the time the article was written, she was 26 and was still in the process of having the needles removed from her body.  This was a very dangerous situation because some of them had become attached to some vital organs.  This is one case of the type of abuse that some Chinese children have to endure.  One survey reported that there is a clear link between maltreatment in childhood and physical and mental health problems later in life.  It is believed that this is why some of these people turn to alcohol, violence, or even suicide (BBC News, 2005 ).  Priscilla Lui Tsang Sun-Kai, the director of Against Child Abuse(ACA), stated that child abuse in China is leading to social crisis and they need to find a way to prevent it  (Luk, 2004).  She feels that Chinese society(specifically Hong Kong) has become tolerant of child abuse and that people accept it because they believe that there is no escape from it.  The steps she is trying to take in preventing the child abuse from happening is to make sure the professionals who are in the field receive the appropriate training and awareness to deal with the situations.  I guess researching another country has made me aware that child abuse is a stressor in many countries other than the United States and helps lead to the development of children and their self-worth and self-concept.