Communication Insights

                

                                                    WOW!!

                I chose my husband and my twin sister to evaluate me this week.  I chose my husband because he is the one person that has lived with me for the past 15 years so he knows me really well.  I picked my twin sister because we are identical twins and so we have always shared a special bond.  She now lives 5 hours away from me and so we no longer see each other like we used to.  I thought it would be interesting to see how she would evaluate me because of the closeness that we share. 

                The one thing that surprised me in their evaluations was the difference that we had in the communication anxiety assessment.  I scored myself at a moderate level meaning that in some situations I am anxious about communication.  My husband scored me as mild meaning that I do not really get anxious when communicating.  My twin scored me as elevated meaning that I often get anxious in communication situations.  I found it surprising first of all because they see me differently than I see myself and also that their evaluations were the exact opposite.  When I asked them about it, my husband said he answered the questions by thinking of me in our small group settings in our church.  I also sing with our worship team and he said that in both situations I seem very calm and comfortable in communicating.  My sister on the other hand said that because she is not around me that often anymore she thought about me when we were younger and that is why she answered the items the way that she did.  She also said that she thought at times she was thinking of herself and because we are so much alike, that is the way I would answer.  I think that if I would have thought of myself when I was younger,   I would have definitely scored myself the same way that she scored me – as being anxious in almost all communication situations.  Now that I am older I have become more comfortable with who I am and so I find my anxiety more situational now. 

                One insight that I gained about communication this week is the way in which our self- perception is directly linked to our communication.  I don’t think that I have ever had a very strong self-concept and that is why I get anxious in communication situations.  I am always worried about what someone else is going to think of me or if I am saying the “right thing”.  I know that when I was in high school this was really a problem for me and I would rarely speak in small group settings and if I had to I found it horrible.  As I have grown my self-concept has gotten a little better and now I don’t think about it as much and I am more comfortable with myself so I’m not as concerned about how others see me. 

                Another insight that I gained this week is that the way we see ourselves can be completely different than the way someone else sees us.  For me this was really eye-opening because I really liked knowing that my husband sees me as someone who does not have a problem at all communicating with other people.  It is not physically obvious that I am nervous in front of other people in certain situations and this makes me feel more confident in my communication skills.  I think that because I feel more comfortable I will now be more willing to speak in front of large and small groups.  We are sometimes so hard on ourselves and so busy being our own worst critics, that it is nice to see that someone else might actually shed a new light on the person that is portrayed to others. 



Communicating Differently

     When I thought about whether or not I communicate differently with different people I came to the determination that I do.  Although I feel that I am friendly to everyone that I meet, I know that I am definitely more comfortable talking to people who I know than someone I have just met.  I get nervous about meeting and talking to new people because I am never sure as to what I want to say.  I always feel as if I am not going to say the right thing and I will come off sounding unintelligent.  Also I feel that I communicate differently with children than I do with adults.  I feel very comfortable carrying on a conversation with children whether I have just met them or not.  I think that it is because I have a very nurturing spirit and I always want children to feel comfortable and not scared when interacting with adults.  I use different communication styles with children based on their personality but I ask them questions and joke with them.  I think that I talk to children in my school the same way that I speak or would speak to my own children.
A final group that I feel I communicate differently with is elderly people.  If feel that I communicate differently with them by listening better and letting them talk more than what I talk.  I think that sometimes people believe that the older generation doesn't have anything left to offer, that they have lived their lives and that is it.  I believe that it is important to make our older generation feel as if they are valued by listening to their wisdom and taking advice that they are willing to give.  Spending time with my grandmother is one of the most cherished parts of my week and I find communication with her to be open and honest.  I also know that she is going to "tell it like it is" and I have to be ready to accept whatever it is that may come out of her mouth.
     I think one strategy that would help me communicate better with people that I don't know would be to use "small talk" and wait for responses from these people(Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011).  When they respond then I can respond back and communication would be easier.  I need to remember that it is about interacting with other people and not about how intelligent I sound.  I need to place the focus on the way the other person would like to communicate in order to make communication easier in these situations.
     A second strategy that I could use when communicating with children would be to adapt my behavior in communicating with the personalities of each of the children in my class.  I have to get to know each child so that I know the best ways that I can communicate with them.  When we adapt our communication to meet the needs of the people with whom we are communicating then we are able to experience more positive communication (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011).
      A third strategy that I can use is in communicating with elderly people is to put myself in their mental position and emotional mindset(Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011).  I truly believe that elderly people want to feel that they are still valued and that people just don't overlook what they have to say because they are getting older and they may feel as if their minds are not as sharp.  If we put ourselves in someone else's shoes and think about how they may be feeling or the way they may see a topic, we can find better ways of communicating with them where they will feel respected and valued for what they have to share. 

References:

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Nonverbal Communication Assumptions

For the assignment this week I chose to watch the TV sitcom Raising Hope.  It is not a show that I have ever watched but I was able to access the pilot episode of it on Netflix (which also allowed me to watch the episode without sound and with and not have to record it).  In the beginning of the show I could tell that there was a family involved and I assumed that the characters were a mother, father, two sons, and a grandmother(who by her expressions seems a little out of the ordinary).  I was able to deduce from their body language that the one son was irritated with his family.  The young man from my assumption had a one night stand with a girl who ended up being wanted by the police and then it showed him visiting her in jail eight months later and you could tell she was pregnant.  He had a look of complete shock on his face but then you see him with the baby and he is taking it home.  The parents' facial expressions and hand gestures said to me that they did not want the baby around and I could tell by what the son was doing that he was intent on keeping her.  In the next few scenes I saw a flashback to when the young man was little and it showed how the parents had raised him(not very well - no car seat with him hanging his head out underneath a moving car).  He then takes the baby home and the next thing you know the baby has a stinky diaper (you could tell by facial expressions) and then when they try to change it, both the mother and the young boy end up throwing up on the baby.  Then it cuts to a scene where it is obvious that the baby is crying and the young man is trying to get it to sleep.  It shows many different scenes of him trying different things that don't work and by the baby's face you can tell she is still crying.  The mother and father then come in and you can tell that the mom starts singing because the dad has a guitar and she puts her hand on the baby's belly.  The baby then stops crying and looks content and then goes to sleep.

After watching this show with the sound off I then went back and watched it with the sound on and I was amazed at how easy it was to figure out what was going on without the sound.  The only thing that I had wrong was that the one boy who lives there is not a brother but a cousin.  As I watched this I thought about what a good job these actors and actresses do with their nonverbal behavior such as eye contact, facial expressions, and body language.  I was able to understand just about everything that was going on and I knew when people seemed upset and when they seemed happy.  The only thing that was lacking was the actual words that they were saying that would have filled in the story completely.

This assignment showed me the true power of nonverbal communication and how often it can be overlooked.  When I thought about whether or not it would have mattered if I had been watching a show that I already know well I think that it would have.  Although I believe it was easy to pick up on the nonverbal communication in this sitcom I don't think it is as easy in real-life because we are not actors and actresses and no one gives us a script and tells us how to behave.  I think that when you know someone well you learn their nonverbal communication and it is easier to communicate with that person.  When you don't know someone as well you have to learn those nonverbal cues that show the emotions that they might be experiencing.  I also think that we don't always pick up on nonverbal skills because we cannot so to speak "turn off the volume" when we are talking to people and just focus on those skills.  This assignment also showed me that nonverbal and verbal communication skills are most effective in communicating when they are used simultaneously.  Communication does not just involve words we can hear and understand but also being able to interpret the way someone feels about something by the actions and expressions they display.  This was a great learning experience that fully brought the idea of true communication to light for me.

Effective Communication

     When I read the assignment for this blog about who we believe is an effective communicator I automatically thought of the pastor of my church.  I feel that he is effective for many reasons.  The first reason he is effective is because of his knowledge basis.  He really knows the bible and that allows him to be able to effectively communicate what is in it to the congregation.  Another reason he is effective is because he communicates with us on a personal level.  He does not stand at the head of the church and preach "at" us as if he believes himself to be better than we are.  He preaches "to" us and relates what he is teaching to every day life events that we are going through.  His communication is respectful but he is also willing to share his beliefs with us without fear of what someone might think of him.  He is always there to lend advice if someone needs him and he also listens which in turn makes for a good communicator.  He shows compassion in his speech and is willing to help out and do things for other people without a second thought.  This makes him effective in not just his verbal language but also his nonverbal language as well. 
     I would definitely want to model some of my own communication after Pastor Jim because I want to be able to stand up for what I believe in without coming across as being judgemental.  I want to be able to communicate in a respectful and caring manner in all of my daily speech and just like Pastor Jim I want people to know that I am always there to help them out if they need it either by listening or by lending advice.  I definitely look up to my pastor and his communication skills and I will continue to learn from him so that I might be able to incorporate these skills into my own daily life.