"We Don't Say Those Words In Class!"

I could not think of a time when I heard someone else speak to a child about something that they said but I do know that I have personally had this happen to me.  My oldest daughter (she was probably three at the time and my only daughter) and I were getting out of our van at a local store.  As we were walking to the door a female was coming out of the store and she was overweight and walking with a walker.  My daughter said at the top of her lungs "Why is that lady so big and walking with that thing?"  My reaction was " Shh, Sierra, you don't say things like that."  She did not say another word but I can remember that she had her head turned around staring at the lady the whole time until we were in the store and she could no longer see her. 

Children are great observers of adult behavior and they pay direct attention to how people feel and what is and is not acceptable behavior (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010).  I believe that the message that I sent to my child that day is that it is not okay to walk with a walker or be someone of a different size.  I'm sure the tone of my voice was reprimanding and I know that the reason I said it was because I was embarrassed that my child would point out a difference in someone else.  I did not want the lady to feel bad and so that is why I quieted my child but I did not take the time to explain to her the reason.  I sure that I made her feel bad about wondering about differences and from that point on I cannot remember her ever doing something like that again. 

An anti-bias educator would have stopped with their child and asked questions to see what their child thought about these differences (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011).  I should have talked with my daughter immediately and explained to her that all people are different.  We are all different shapes and sizes and it is these things that makes each one of us a special human being.  I then should have explained to her that some people need extra help with walking and it doesn't make them different, it is just a difference in their physical characteristics.  We have to constantly reevaluate the messages that we give to children (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011).  I did not do this that day and until taking this class I'm not sure I would have done it any other day had the opportunity come up.  I also learned this week that just talking to children is not enough but they need to see some of these things in action to truly understand.  Another thing that I could have done is use books that display these differences with my daughters and I could have used persona dolls because these dolls would have allowed me to practice pro-social skills and correct the incorrect beliefs that she may have had (Pelo, 2008).  I know that if given the chance today, I would definitely handle the situation differently than I did then. 

Another incident that I would like to share was not between me and my daughter or a parent and another child, but was a comment that was made to me about my child.  My youngest son (who is 2 and 1/2) was born with a genetic condition called Noonan's Syndrome.  People who are born with this syndrome are very small in stature and so he was (and still is) very small for his age in relation to other children.  We were standing in line in the grocery store one day when he was probably six months old (but looked like he was two month old) and the lady that was in front of us asked how old he was.  I told her and her very next comment (that was made in a very negative tone) was "Why is he so little?"  My comment back to her was that he was born with a condition that made him small.  The only other thing she said to me was "Oh."  When we got to the cashier, she said "I can't believe she said that to you, he is so adorable.  Some people are so ignorant."  I was at first hurt by the comment that the first lady made but I was aware that the cashier was correct - some people are ignorant.  I have now learned that when people grow up without a sense of learning what diversity is or without knowledge of the impact that words and actions can have, they grow up ignorant.  When I think about it now, it makes me sad to think that this lady could be passing on these biases to her children or other people around her.  I think that is why anti-bias education is so important to teach young children.  We need to stop the cycle of bias and prejudice and create a world where people celebrate differences and cast them in a positive light instead of a negative one.  

References:

Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). Start Seeing Diversity: Physical Ability and Characteristics. Retrieved from http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6357/CH/mm/audio_player/index_week6.html

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). Start Seeing Diversity: Race/Ethnicity. Retrieved from http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6357/CH/mm/audio_player/index_week6.html

Pelo, A. (Ed.). (2008). Rethinking early childhood education. Milwaukee, WI: Rethinking Schools.